When I discovered it was nine months and counting, we both started looking at this as if we were expecting, because in a way we really are.  Most people understand the anticipation of pregnancy and even to some degree, adopting a child.  Well, I’m going to try and put this Service Dog Training/Adopting/Team Making experience into those terms so everyone will  get it. Hopefully.

So with that in mind, there is a small exception: this time around, Steve is getting to do all the hard work, and I am placed in the roll of the Support Person.  The rolls are reversed.  I thought I’d walk you through what has been going through our minds on how this will hopefully play out.  Too bad there isn’t a What to Expect When You Are Expecting a Service Dog book out there.

What to Expect When You Are Expecting a Service Dog

As we move along though the Service Dog Training Gestational Time (SDTGT), we also find other commonalities to an adoption or a pregnancy:

• We don’t necessarily get to know the gender of the dog at 18-20 weeks, but if we go Old School and wait until 1 July, we’ll get to find out everything! So that in itself is a fun wait.  Oh, who am I kidding, I have the patience of a fruit fly.  I *really* wanna know.
• When we get closer and closer to time, there will have to be new arrangements made to the house to “Goggie Proof” it, as well as starting to work with the Kat again to get him prepared.  Kinda like nesting and preparing a child for a sibling.
• There will be places made for the Service Dog to sleep, eat, play, and do their Dog Things, just like having/adopting a child, minuses the diaper phase (thank you to all of the amazing Puppy Raisers for taking care of that part for us!).  Which of course lead to the question of, will the dog sleep with us? Well duh!  I’ve got no problem with a Family Bed.  Might need to get a bigger mattress, but if that’s what makes Steve and the Dog bond and be a better team, then it’s OK by me.  I’m already fighting for my 6” of mattress between the Kat and Steve, so bring it on!
• Technically, Steve’s training is like labor. 3 solid weeks of labor. I think I just heard every single Momma out there groan.  But seriously, the excitement of the process starting, the hurry up and wait, moving through as you learn to adjust to new situations, learning things you thought you would never be able to do.  The  OK I’m done now let’s get out of here phase, and in the end, viola!  Your new Partner!

So,  with those thoughts in mind, I decided to blog from the perspective of a pregnancy following a Fetal Development This Week type of web site, and changing it from the perspective of human baby to getting a Service Dog. This should be kinda fun actually.

We Hit Service Dog Bingo (Week 5):  Choose a doctor or midwife and schedule an appointment.

Right now we are at the stage that the doctor just confirmed that we are expecting/the case manager just told us we were selected, and in our case it was a phone call from K9’s for Warriors and a wonderful man by the name of Brett Simon, the Director of K9 Operations who called and told Steve, “I would like to invite you to the July 1 K9 Class.”  So we are 5 weeks into this.  Our gut instinct, just like most expectant couples, was not to tell anyone until we made it through the first 3 months or we got the “official” go ahead from the Adoption Agency.  With the misfortunes with the last time we tried for a Service Dog, and the huge disappointment and let downs when we were told no, it’s sort of a protection reaction in order to keep moving forward until things really are what they are.  In this case, it’s all good, and we can tell the world as we got the official confirmation that everything is happy and on track.  Steve received his first Pre-Service Dog Screening from his Trainer (who I think of a lot like a really good mid-wife as his job is going to be training the humans for the team and guiding them through the process), and the Trainer spoke to both Steve and I about what was expected and needed.  The training will be a three week stay starting July 1 in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL, on a beautiful campus 2 miles from the beach and 23 miles from downtown Jacksonville, FL.  There will be a total of 3-5 people in each Service Team training with him, all from various branches of the service, all with various needs that K9’s For Warriors will help address with their dogs.  They sleep, eat and train all right there with the dogs in a beautiful home and are fed by a group of amazing volunteers from Kassaroles for K9’s so each Warrior has a hot, healthy home cooked meal each evening.  A few nights a week, they all go out to dinner with their Team to interact with the public setting.

The types of dogs used by K9’s For Warriors are Labrador and Golden Retrievers, both pure and mixed breeds.  We’ve also observed them use shepherds as well.  They fully support and encourage the rescue and adoption of all homeless animals within their system which was a wonderful thing to hear them say.

The K9’s training staff includes Brett and Sherri.  Brett is the guy that will be working with the “Humans.” He is a “veteran police K9 handler and has extensive experience in training with police service dogs, during his career he was a handler and trainer for police service dogs. Brett has been deployed twice to Iraq as an independent contractor, patrol and explosives detector dog handler. Brett has the military experience and dog training expertise to adapt to service dog training. Brett is a professional member of the Association Pet Dog Trainers (APTD), International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants (IAABC) & is an AKC Evaluator.”  Sherri “is a Certified Professional Dog Trainer with close to 15 years training experience. She has an extensive background in the service dog arena, including writing a training manual for service dog recipients. She also has expertise in canine behavioral issues, obedience, agility, rally and animal rescue. Sherrie is a college graduate, a Mentor for Animal Behavior College, and an AKC Canine Good Citizen Evaluator. She has owned her own dog training business as well as worked in the animal rescue field, and in both she gained experience in management, community and public relations, curriculum development, fundraising and grant writing, plus event and volunteer coordination. Lastly, Sherrie has a long history of volunteer work for children’s and animal’s rights.”

Personally, I’m thinking these are two really good people for all the work they have been and continue to do and we both can’t wait to meet them!

When we first got Steve’s PTSD diagnosis, the stigma behind it was so great that he was terrified to tell anyone, and by anyone I mean friends, family, roommates, other doctors, anyone.  On top of that, the VA doctors made it very clear that letting people know that Steve was PTSD would be a bad choice and that it would cause problems in his “cure.”  (Side note, you can’t be “cured” of PTSD.  You can control it, but there is no magic pill or magic therapy for anyone with it.)  You also have to understand that at the time, we were living with my adopted folks, one of which was in school at the time getting a Masters in Psychology/Counseling.  Now, she isn’t exactly clueless, as a matter of fact, she is one of the most observant people I know, and trust me when I tell you, she damn well knew there were things going on, but having the “Closed” orders put on this made it that much harder for me in particular.  I didn’t know what in the hell to do or say to help Steve!  My hands were tied.  He so badly wanted to go back to school at the time, but was terrified of the crowds, that he would fail, that the teachers would find one wrong answer and fail him.  On and on.  I could drop everything, my work, my life as a wife, just everything and be the Service Person he needed, but was I ready to make that kind of commitment?  Did I really have a choice with it?  I had the perfect storm, access to a counselor who could have either pointed me to someone or dropped a book in my lap to help me , and the reality that I had to keep my mouth shut or Steve’s treatment would be jeopardized.  It got so bad, I had a fall out with my biological folks earlier this year.  I had to just roll with the accusations and play the bad guy. It. Sucked.  But I sure was not going to put Steve through anymore drama.  I just couldn’t let anyone I know, know what was really, going on.

So people around us in the past few years would see me as Steve’s Service Person, not as Keri.  I withdrew from my family and most of my friends that were face to face.  Facebook makes it easier for me as I have a few moments in between classes where I can interact, and that is pretty much my ONLY time to talk to my friends. But you must understand that I’m not sitting at home eating bon-bons here.  I try to protect him from all the stresses life that I can.  I make the phone calls and appointments for him. I run our household and I do all the shopping and all the other things that caused his social phobia to rear its ugly head.  I go with him on every bus ride so I can “watch his back.” I pay all the bills and manage the finances so the stress of finances won’t send his brain off kilter with the “What if’s.”  I work to make Platypus Pouches a great business for a little extra income knowing if I had more time I could REALLY make it a rockin’ business, but it is always to be worked around his school schedule so I can be with him.  I work inside the home as well and do all the cooking, cleaning and washing even on the days I am sick, exhausted and not doing well. I wake him up from his nightmares and I try to console and comfort him from the terrors making his body quake. I always try to be understanding and supportive because there are times I just don’t want to be, I want it my way just once. I run interference between him and everything and everyone who could possibly trigger him.  I never, ever ask him to step out of his comfort zone. In fact I do everything I can do to keep him as comfortable as I can. I am the first person to break the ice with all of the professors until he becomes comfortable enough to start working with them.  Unlike 99.99% of my friends, I don’t have the option of having a bad day and turning everything over to my partner to just take care of, and honestly I am so fracking jealous that others get to do that.  I get that the kids drive you up the walls, the car broke and the, and you have to be at an appointment in 30 minutes.  Between your partner, friends and family, chances are your back is covered. Yeah, well, mine isn’t   My family lives in Seattle,  I’m in Montana, friends are pretty much online only and when I tell you if I tried to have Steve help me with something like one of these mess ups, there would in fact be more drama than ANY of you could handle. So it’s best if we stick to a schedule, and let me do this until we get it figured out.  So when I do post on my Facebook page or on here or where ever, I want you to truly within the depths of your toes understand: I’m not trying to be bitchy. I’m not trying to be whiny. I’m not even trying to be mean. I’m scared. I’m worried. I’m trying to do it all, and I’m failing miserably, but I have to keep pushing forward and keep my eye on the Mission Goal.

I do it because I love Steve, and those whole vow thingies we said at the wedding? Yeah, my fingers weren’t crossed. I. Meant  Them. Because I believe in him and most of all, because *I* see a diamond in the rough and I know with the right meds, the right therapy and the right Service Dog, he will be able to be as close to himself as he could be before, and that my friends, is the reason I’m still hanging in there.

So why am I writing this now?  Why is it I can open my mouth up and scream “STEVE HAS PTSD/TBI! WERE NOT THE EVIL, MEAN, STANDOFFISH, STUPID PEOPLE YOU THINK WE ARE!”

Because Steve wanted to move to Montana to go to school, and because his VA Coordinator here at MSU cared enough to make sure that he got his medical records transferred out of Seattle to here just in case there was an accident. Because he now has a consistent VA PCP, FNP, chiropractor, therapist and councilor that he sees every time and doesn’t get swapped out so there is routine and a face that is wanting to see him succeed.  Because the FNP never, ever once bullied or belittled him while asking him questions he didn’t want to answer and immediately flagged his records to get him in front of one of the most calming, quieting, open therapists I think I’ve ever had to honor to meet.  Because I finally told Steve’s medical team at Ft. Harrison what had been going on with Seattle and every last one of them not only were appalled but told me to start shouting it from the roof tops, because hiding it will only make it worse and having people read your mind is not healthy and the more people I can talk to, the more ideas, organizations, and groups I can get with will not only benefit him it will benefit me.  Because every last medical personnel encouraged him to keep looking for another Service Dog group after being dropped by the last one because they all believed he would truly benefit from having one. Becasue just one person made one call to get the records transferred and a cascade effect happened. Becasue we got a phone call a few weeks ago from K9′s For Warriors letting Steve know he was accepted into their July Class and that he would be matched up with a 4-legged independence machine that loves him as much as I do.

And finally because, as his PCP and FNP told me as we left the last time from an appointment, “It will be a beautiful day when we see Steve walk in on his own, with his SD, for an appointment and tell us you couldn’t make it, you were too busy sewing.”

So, remember, Mission First; People Always.

Yeah, that’s been my weekend thus far.

So, for all purposes here, let me start off by saying, no I’m not a doctor and I’m not a nurse.  I did have 3 years of animal/dairy science classes in college, but I don’t think we can put our Warriors in a head lock to give them their medicines.  Although the though did cross my mind at 3:16AM this morning.  So here is my list of Dealing With a Warrior Sized Flu/Cold.  It seems to be working thus far, but you can adapt and adjust as needed to fit what is going on.  Take it our leave it, this is what works for us.

Got shot?

Yeah you heard me right.  The VA is been pushing hard-core the flu shots ever since I can remember.  That is entirely up to your family if you get them or not.  I’ve people on both sides of the argument yelling in my ear about it.  Do your research, ask questions and make the decision with your Warrior.  If they are high risk, elderly, etc., talk to their doctor and make sure you are doing what is best for that Warrior.

Prepare for Everything.

Remember last year?  When the flu hit and the days and days of colds hit?  Remember how you told yourself that you’d get the medicines and stockpile your soups so you wouldn’t be the miserable one going to drug store at 2AM?  Yeah, do it now.  As in RIGHT now.  Here is the list I’ve been going off of for the past 4 years and thus far, I’ve not been seen at Wal Mart at 1AM:

• Acetaminophen
• Alcohol–based hand sanitizer
• Apple juice
• Baby wipes/Flushable Moist Wipes
• Bananas
• Batherapy – Natural Mineral Bath – Cold And Flu Formula
• Body soap that is not scent heavy and will keep skin soft
• Canned or instant soups
• Cold and Flu Night and Day Pills
• Cough drops
• Crackers like Saltines
• Decaffeinated tea and honey if you like sweeteners
• Decongestant cough syrup
• Disposable gloves
• DVDs and books
• Electrolyte drinks
• Emergent-C and/or Airborne
• Eucalyptus essential oil
• Expectorant cough syrup
• Extra set of plain cotton sheets with pillow cases
• Facial tissues
• Garbage bags
• Hand lotion
• Heating pad/hot water bottle
• Household cleaners including disinfecting wipes in the kitchen and bathroom
• Ibuprofen
• Ice Pack with wash cloth
• Individual sized apple sauce
• Jell-o: Pick your favorite ones
• Laundry detergent and softener
• Lavender essential oil
• Lip balm
• List of prescribed medications
• Paper towels
• Pepto Bismol or Kaopectate
• Protein Bars and small snacks
• Small plastic garbage can with small bags to keep by bedside
• Spray bottles
• Tea Tree essential oil
• Thermometer
• Toilet paper
• VA Nurse hotline number for your area
• Vapo Rub
• Vaporizer
• Washable blankets

Um, I had an Accident.

Accidents happen. Vomit and diarrhea is all part of the body’s process of getting rid of the yuck and in our case usually the first sign of a long weekend. But when it comes to dealing with a broken Warrior, you have to put your game face on and not react. Quite, gentle reassurances are best. If they are OK with it, gentle touches, stroking the hair or rubbing the back is a good affirmation. “Hey, it happens. We said for better or for worse right?” Do not under any circumstances, yell, berate, scold or make fun of them. I’ve seen wives do this because they think it was stupid that their Warrior “missed” the toilet when they had a violent reaction. Come on! We ALL are mortified when we get that sick, can you imagine being a Warrior and being that disciplined only to turn into a person that is now physically defenseless? Trust me; I almost took that woman out. Chances are you are now in the beginning stages of the sickness and they already feel like garbage, they physically hurt even more than normal, and quite honestly are mortified.

1. Go get the small garbage bags and collect the soiled clothing and get it out of their view ASAP. Remember PTSD makes their brain not let go of the bad image. Just do it.
2. Be sure to bring out extra toilet paper and baby/flushable wipes and set them where they are within an arms reach.
3. Try to convince your Warrior to take a warm bath or a warm shower to clean up. Chances are they’ve been feeling yuckie for awhile now and probably even a bit stuffy/snotty and as the Warriors they are, don’t want to let their guard down to let you know they are weak. If your Warrior likes baths, Batherapy – Natural Mineral Bath – Cold and Flu Formula is wonderful to just sit and let the vapors take over. Hand them their eReader or book or something to help take their mind off their embarrassment and try to get them to relax. If they are shower people, a bit of eucalyptus and lavender oils dotted on the shower curtain will reacted with the steam and help to drain the snot and bring them back to center. Have them wash well.
4. While your Warrior is in the bathroom:
   • Go wash your hands!
   • Strip the bed linen and get your “sick sheets” and pillow cases on.
   • Take your spray bottle 1 cup water, 10 drops each of eucalyptus, lavender, and tea-tree oils and lightly mist the sheets, mattress, pillows, cases and room. Again the scent will help to trigger their PTSD brain into a more centered point of view. I tend to stay away from Lysol’s and air sprays like that as they are too hard on my Warriors nose, but he loves the oil blend and I can see a physical Back To Center with him when I use it.
   • If they are congested, start up the vaporizer and add 3 drops each eucalyptus, lavender, and tea-tree oils or a bit of the vapor inhalant liquid per your vaporizer’s directions. Mine also loves the Vapor Rub put on his chest.
   • Make sure to grab the washable blankets and swap them out for your “everyday” ones. I made the fatal flaw one time of thinking our feather duvet wouldn’t get hit, and boy I couldn’t be more wrong. It took me 4 days to dry that beast and it’s never been the same since I washed it. Play it safe.
   • Place the small plastic garbage can that has been washed out and sanitized and dried after its last use with the small garbage bag in it next to the bed. If they are vomiting, the liner makes for a fast clean up. If it’s just snotty tissues, it’s fast and easy to get rid of them.
   • Check to see there are facial tissues within arm’s reach. Mine loves the ones with oils in them, but they clog up his facial pours something horrible. I did finally find some that were really, really soft and cushy without the oil. Either way, I now stock up on them.
   • When they are ready to get out, if they are ok with you touching, help them to dry off. You can then check for anything “off” on the body physically. Again quiet reassurances; soft touches with the towel. If not, just smile and hand them the towel and make sure you are not threatening their space. Hand them a clean pair of underwear and soft PJ’s if they want to wear them and if they like the chest rubs like Vick’s nows a great time to put it on while the skin is warm. Escort them back to bed.

Now What?

1. Tuck them in, hand them their book or entertainment, start a DVD/Movie of their choice. Make sure to point out to them the garbage can and the Kleenex. Don’t forget to tell them you love them!
2. Go wash your hands! You are going to see this a lot from here on out.
3. Go take a “hit” of something like Emergent-C. I like their Citrus with Immune Support. I also then chase it with a HUGE glass of water. If you start to get sick, you can’t help your Warrior so it’s just as important to protect yourself.
4. Some people will tell you to put on a mask before entering the sick room. If your Warrior is feverish, be very, very careful about this. Yes you want to protect yourself, but in one case I started mine so badly because he didn’t recognize me that he came up fighting and it took me a good 3 hours to get him to relax. This is your judgment call. Keep yourself healthy, but keep in mind the little changes that we don’t think about.
5. Give them about 10 minutes and then go take their temperature. Make note of the time and the degree. Call your doctor if:
   • The temperature is more than 103 F (39.4 C)
   • If they have had a fever for more than three days
   • In addition, seek immediate medical attention if any of these signs or symptoms accompanies a fever:
   • Severe headache
   • Severe throat swelling
   • Unusual skin rash, especially if the rash rapidly worsens
   • Unusual sensitivity to bright light
   • Stiff neck and pain when you bend your head forward
   • Mental confusion: Again key here. In my personal experience the TBI and PTSD really rear their ugly heads here and can really confuse my Warrior. You are going to have to play it by ear. If it’s more than normal, go get help.
   • Persistent vomiting
   • Difficulty breathing or chest pain
   • Extreme listlessness or irritability
   • Abdominal pain or pain when urinating
   • Any other unexplained signs or symptoms
6. Go wash your hands!
7. Get your list of your Warriors medication, their last 4 of their Social Security Number and call the VA nurse Hotline. Yes, it’s going to take them a long time to pick up, but this part is important: You do not want to give your Warrior any Over the Counter (OTC) medications without checking to see if they will react with the prescribed ones. Let them know you think it’s the flu/cold but you want to make sure that OTC’s are OK to give if needed because of the meds. They will be more than happy to help you out and let you know what OTC’s to give depending on what the symptoms are.
8. Give your Warrior the meds the nurse told you were OK to give and make note of the time and what they were. I usually keep a spreadsheet on my laptop so I can email it if I have to. Again, quiet reassuring words are best. If their throats hurt, be sure to give them a cough drop after their take their pills.
9. If your Warrior is on a Bi-PAP or CPAP, be sure to check the humidifier and hand them their mask before they go to sleep. Mine will lay in bed with the mask on watching a movie on his iPad and just drowse off. However, if he forgets to put the mask on his sleep apnea takes over and with the stuffy head or the flu, it’s even worse, so just this one little step makes it easier on them, and they don’t wake up choking and setting off a panic attack.
10. Make sure there is plenty of water in a non-spillable cup, we use a Camelback that we got from our university bookstore. We call ours a “sippy cup” because you have to bite down and suck through a straw in order to draw up the water. I keep two ready: One in the sick room, one ready to replace the other all washed and ready to go.
11. Let your Warrior know where you will be. “I’ll be out in the laundry room doing a load of laundry, then out in the living room. Holler if you need me.” Let them rest. That is going to be the key to them feeling better. If they have a Service Animal let them do their job and help relax the Warrior. We also have a cat that is very attuned to my Warrior’s needs and will curl up at the foot of the bed and keep guard for him. Again, do what is best for your Warrior and what will allow them to “stand down” for a few hours and rest up.

Great, Now They Are Taken Care Of, What Do I Do Next?

Well, believe it or not, it’s not as bad as it sounds, just being aware of what is going on and resting yourself. You want to be prepared for the next salvo, so, I usually do the following:

1. Wash your hands!
2. Start the first load of laundry to clean up.
3. Wash down the toilet and bathroom. I’ll then go and make sure I have a second surface disinfecting wipe container right there by the toilet so I can follow up after the sickie.
4. Put an extra 2 sets of underwear in the bathroom
5. Make sure there are clean towels within reach in the bathroom
6. Make up some of my Warriors favorite Jell-o flavors so they will set and get the applesauce out and chilled in the fridge as mine like it cold on his raw throat.
7. Get your teas and juices set for an easy grab. Stay away from dairy as it’s going to clog them up more than it will help.
8. When we are sick we turn into soup people. If he’s the one sick, I’ll make a crock pot full of his favorite chicken noodle. Find out what your Warrior’s comfort foods are and see if they are adaptable to what can be ingested.
9. Take all of the garbage’s out and wash the dishes. I do this so I don’t forget and try to take a drink out of his used cup.
10. Set out the meds on the counter for easy reach. Yeah, know that sounds really weird, but it’s a seriously nice thing at 3AM when you can keep your eyes focused.
11. Get the second set of sheets ready should there be an accident. I also throw a towel for my Warrior to lay on. Normally the stimulus of the terry cloth in the bed would be too much as he’s so used to the cotton sheets, but he’s managed to teach himself that the towel is a protective tool.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

What can I say, after that, it’s pretty much let nature take its course. If they are Working Warriors, I’d get a call into HR ASAP to let them know they won’t be in. Most schools and universities won’t let students back on campus who have fevers until 48 hours after the fever is broken. Not onset, broken. After every single time you go into the sick room or touch your Warrior, the first thing you do is go wash your hands. I have a small bottle of Gold Bond’s lotion and anti bacterial I also use because my hands get so dry after washing them so much. Or I will just use hand lotion.
Most of all it’s being very aware of their needs and mind set. Again, if they have a fever, watch it carefully as it can really play havoc with their reality. With or without a fever, be smooth and easy with your movements. Everything should be deliberate; everything you do should be viewable. Now’s not the time to surprise them with anything. They are being forcibly put on stand down and their reaction time is much slower which set them off into a panic if not handled correctly.

Keep records of meds and reactions. If your gut tells you this is over your head, this is going sideways, then don’t be embarrassed to call the doctor and get help; they will tell you that you did the right thing and that is what they are there for.

Get some rest. Keep your ears open. Be sure to tell them that you love them, and that they are your Hero no matter what.
Good luck!

I soon realized there were numerous Veteran friends who were alone and didn’t have the ability to ask for help because they were in too deep of the throws of PTSD/TBI, depression, agoraphobia, all those things that won’t allow you as an individual to stand up and ask for help. Even worse, which still breaks my heart, was being told that they felt it was cowardice to ask for help, or it was all in their head (well, yes quite frankly it IS all in your head!). No, I don’t “fix” things, I wish I could. As a matter of fact, it kills me that I can’t, but I can guide you to a person who might be able to help or point you in the right direction. I’ll stick with you until you get your solutions you are looking for. It’s the least I can do considering you put yourself in the line of fire for me.

So what do I do when this all stresses me out? How can I not allow this take me over? I make quilts. Lots of them.

I’m stressed a lot unfortunately. It’s either legally stab the fabric or grab my sword. The needle creates prettier things. I also have a fabric problem. A big one. I collect beautiful fabrics and sit and stare at them with hopes of grandeur of making quilts and various cloth projects for friends. The only problem is I can never get myself to cut the beautiful fabrics. I will get the shakes for destroying something so beautiful. So I have to stop and stare at the pretty colors, look at the pattern just one more time, grab my good Gingher sheers, take a huge breath and allow the carnage to begin. That carnage then starts to turn into a kaleidoscope of colors and patterns. Little pieces of fabric fluttering to the floor. Bits here and there, coming together like feathers of a wing; coming together to make the full wing. Oh wait, I think I see a trend here. I make the quilts. I auction them off, I give the money to Veterans charities and Service Dog Groups. I can help! If all else fails and no one wants to buy that quilt, I can find a Veteran who is cold and lonely and give them a quilt. I really can help.

So, if you should see me, Warrior, know that I am not here to harm you. I understand you are so very tired and so scared. Let me give you this warm, snuggly quilt to wrap yourself up, feel protected, and remind you that my wings are big and will help keep you warm. Much love, compassion, thought and softness was put into each and everyone; just know you are not alone, all the people standing with me care for you. Some are crafters and quilters like me. I bet they might help too. Thank you so very, very much for all that you did.

Welcome to Valhalla, Warrior. Welcome home friend.

Coming soon:
Live, Learn, Listen, Love – A 24″x 24″ wall hanging in a classic 9-patch with embroidery using Vintage Modern by Moda fabrics.

Just About – A 81″ x 81″ bed quilt made with V & Co’s. “Hopscotch” pattern with her new Simply Color fabrics.

Adoration – A wall quilt made with Pam Lincoln of Mama Spark’s World pattern “Charmalade” and using the Etchings by 3 Sisters for Moda Fabric

Reflection – A wall quilt made with Tammie Schaffer of craftytammie.com pattern “Charm Crossing” using the Moda Dragonfly Summer by Holly Taylor fabric.

Looking Up! – A lap quilt made with “Frolic” by Sandy Gervais

“Wild Child”

“Lazy Days”

“Only If”

“Amarantine”

It sounded like class was pretty in depth this morning, but I promptly got heads down in the new O:AD and Platypus Ad’s for the week. I’m having a blast playing with pre-made marketing cards for photographers. I’ve written the designers to let them know what I’m using them for and was told that it was a brilliant idea. I’m considering this my coloring book for adults. Probably why I’m really enjoying and getting back into using my camera again. Well, needless to say, didn’t hear classes let out, so this time Steve had to wait on my to pack up all my gear so we could head down to the GIS/Spatial Lab so Steve could make up his lab time he missed on Friday going to Ft. Harrison. This place is really cool beans. All of the latestes and greatest mapping software out there using really nice double monitors on some pretty snazzy machines. Yes, I do believe I saw Steve drool there a bit. The only issue was there was a class. According to the sign at the door, it seems to be pretty full most of the week. Drat! Well, we got the codes for the main door as well as the door to the lab and will have to head back out this weekend. That’s when we ran into his GIS professor. He and Steve chatted a bit and we went on our marry way.

As we got to Steve’s last class of the day, there was a girl with what I will call “The Plague” already. Having spent 20 minutes outside the classroom waiting to go in, right next to the one we were waiting for, I’m pretty sure I heard her hack up her lungs. It. Was. Gross. To the point that when a professor walked by, she told her to go home or she would have to report her to the Dean. Ouch! Guess they take this getting sick thing pretty serious here! I got the chance to talk to a good friend of mine for awhile while Steve was in class. I miss talking to my friends and seeing them eye-to-eye. I’m pretty sure we just picked right up where we left off a few months ago, which is a special feeling to me. Soon after, we got the chance to meet up with Steve’s VA Volc Rehab Councilor, Susanne. She and Steve hammered out the next few years, and was a complete breath of fresh air when it came to his schooling, the Volc Rehab Program, all if it. This lady knows her stuff too. Papers signed, documents traded and best of all, she gave Steve a huge hug and told him the she believed in him too. Sniff….

As per normal, we missed the Yellow Line home, so we walked. It was such a lovely afternoon, that neither of us really minded. We got a chance to walk through Veterans Park here on campus with a neat flower bed made into a flag (located under the flag pole). We also notice that today was one of the first days since we’ve been here that the smoke from the fires actually wasn’t that bad today. The sky was actually a Fall blue again.

The best part of the blissfully normal day? Packages were waiting for us at the door!  I got my Modern Patch Work quilting book, and there was an envelope for Steve. His GIS professor got a student license for the GIS software that they in the Lab and sent over a copy for him to use at home so he could work in both places! I mean this is a major WOW! Uber wow at that!

You can’t beat a normal, blissful day…or can you?

Yeah, I’m kicking back here reading Fifty Shades of Gray.

The upside to this was not the migraine, or the impending doom of “We are going to lose the Service Dog because we don’t have the money to pay for this,” or even the gut-wrenching-nauseating fear of how in the hell am I going to make this happen, not be taken to court over this, how am I going to fundraise in a depressed economy. Nope. It was a small package containing two beautiful pairs of earrings from one of my favorite jewelers. I cried like a baby.

Oh, and the icing? Steve ordered cheep Chinese food with enough eggrolls to totally calm my tummy down and make my headache chill out.

And maybe, just maybe, this will happen. Next week.

Our school schedule is about the same for me still. I still attend school with Steve, but I’m not in the class room with him; rather just outside working in the hall or in the library working. The anxiety is not as intense here on the MSU campus, but the pure fear of failure is still a dark cloud. Honestly after the last few years that he’s had, I’d be just a scared as he is. I also feel that the faculty and staff here at MSU is more conducive to student success, and have made themselves more approachable to students. The only huge issue we are facing here are the students themselves and their lack of knowledge of personal space and how, even with good intentions there are just some folks who don’t do well in crowds. We are learning (again) that most of these “kids” are just that…kids.  17-19, never been away from home, never really seen or done much in the Real World, and not knowing the Real World Rules yet.  Steve has to remember that he’s not a “normal” student but he should expect to be one. Kind of a weird game I know, but in the end, it will benefit him.

Another source of much needed stress relief is The Kat. He has been an amazing source of comfort for Steve when he comes home from class, and the two hook up pretty darn quick I might add!  Either that, or the Kat is cold and wants body heat to warm up. I’ve not decided. I do know this, I’m looking forward to seeing what happened with the Service Dog in a few months and how that goes!

This year has been a bit different is we are getting the cooler temperatures but we have a huge wild fire about 15 miles from where we live and the smoke is constantly in the air, as in fog thick. We’ve not had any considerable rain since we’ve moved here yet. There’s been a storm hither and thither, but nothing that just soaks the earth. Honestly, this whole thing has really put a crimp in my “Fall Season.”  I also have to remember I’ve gone in 2 years from sea level to 4200 feet in elevation, so there will be all sorts of climate changes.  So, like many aspects of my life, I’m learning to adapt.  I’ll gladly take the cool air and be thankful for the men and women who are the Smoke Jumpers and firefighters that will get the blaze down soon and that there is no loss of life or property.  I’m slowly learning to adapt up here.

And like the autumn season here, our lives are beginning to change as well. Tomorrow will be a nail biting day for me and another fork in the road has appeared on my family’s horizon. I’m hoping by mid-morning I’ll have answers. At this point, I’ll take any as this whole hurry up and wait thing is really taking its toll on me physically. And again I bring up the wise words, one day at a time, on hour at a time, one moment at a time.